Tag Archives: Modern Family

TV’s 10 Best Lines


TV presented an interesting question this week, “Can it count as a line, if no one speaks it?” Sure why not? Who are we to discriminate against inanimate objects? So here’s this week’s 10 Best Lines, including those found on tombstones and t-shirts.

1. I am not robbing the cradle. If anything, I’m robbing the grave. (Michael Scott, The Office)

Michael Scott, giving a whole new meaning to the word “Gravedigger.” Ooh, which could totally be the disturbingly great new term for a guy who goes after cougars.  Gravedigger, spread it like wildfire.

2. Mother of Larry, an asshole and a swan-killer. (Stonemason, Curb Your Enthusiasm)

Larry’s mother’s tombstone inscription was the big pay off at the end of a solid Curb episode.  Obviously Larry wasn’t going to get away with bashing a swan be it murder or involuntary manslaughter, but getting outted via tombstone? Priceless.

3. Who Da Manny? (Jay, Modern Family)

Everything’s funnier on a t-shirt. Exhibit A:

who da manny

4. On Sunday morning she made pancake, Ted. Pancake. (Marshall, How I Met Your Mother)

So technically this joke ends with “and bacon strip.” But that’s not funny. What makes this joke work is people say, “I made pancakes.”  People don’t say, “I made bacon strips.” It’s, “I made bacon.” Just bacon.

5. Am I scared of getting hit in the face? No. Every day, dominatrixes get paid by weirdos for just that privilege. I’m scared I’m gonna love it. (Michael Scott, The Office)

To all the little kids on playgrounds across America, forget “No! No! Leave me alone” or “I’m going to tell my Mommy!” if you yell Michael’s line at bullies, they won’t hit you.

CLICK HERE. Next 5 after the jump.


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Filed under 10 Best Lines, Best of Nov. 1-7

TV’s Worst Continuity Error

Gossip Girl: The Queen doesn’t always have to sit higher than everyone else on the Met steps.

lively_meesterSo not only is Serena sitting higher than Blair, but look at all those people in the background *GASP* sitting higher than The Queen. And they got to walk away without yogurt facials. Perhaps we’re being nitpicky, after all this is Gossip Girl, but the idea of inventing drama to hurt Eric does not sit well with us.  This error wasn’t addressed on Daily Intel, so Minus 5.

Dishonorable Mention:

Modern Family: The kids were back at school last week.

They definitely aired “Coal Digger” and “Run for Your Wife” out of order.  But I’m more inclined to forgive this error because the show is still trying to gain viewers, and this week wasn’t that great.  Save for Gloria’s shocking remark that made this week’s 10 Best Lines.

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Filed under Best of Oct 25-31, Worst Continuity Error

10 Best Lines

I struggled a bit this week because there were a lot of reruns.  Where was the sitcom-y goodness of shows like How I Met Your Mother? Or the sparkly magic of Glee?  And while I found myself laughing during Always Sunny, “The Gang Wrestles for the Troops” was not up to par. So although this is late, here are Oct. 25-31’s best lines…

1. My girlfriend, on a scale of 1 to Gisele, uh a 9. (The Office)

Ed Helms has been the highlight of The Office this season. And after seeing the Subtle Sexuality video, I’m so excited to see an Erin/Nard Dog romance.

2. Chex mix, pretzels, baby carrots—predictable but appetizing! (Community)

To really appreciate this line you need to hear it in Abed’s priceless Batman voice.  So here you go:

3. Hey slutty teenaged girls dressed as sexy kittens, pump your own stomachs this year! (Parks and Recreation)

I’m so happy that Parks and Recreation has hit its stride! As much as I love, love, love Amy Poehler,  I could not get into last season. As an aside, if I could invite one celebrity couple over for dinner, it would have to be Amy Poehler and Will Arnet. And with Parks and Recreation’s great reviews this season, there wouldn’t be that whole awkward elephant in the room thing, “Wow, you two are hysterical, why can’t you find a good vehicle on TV?” I’m not a Sit Down, Shut Up fan, and I don’t even want to talk about the cancellation of the great but under appreciated Arrested Development.  At least Hulu gives it the recognition it deserves. Any way, go Poehler and Rashida Jones!

4. Read my face. (30 Rock)

Not really funny unless you read his face.  But the question remains, whose face was better, Sacha’s or Jenna’s?

Sacha Face Jenna Face

5. The poncho by itself is fine. The poncho plus the flute plus the stupid dance? My son will die a virgin. (Modern Family)

So unexpected both from Gloria and this episode in general. This line was great, but one line does not an episode make. Let’s hope for more next week.

Click here: Next 5 after the jump!

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Filed under 10 Best Lines, Best of Oct 25-31

10 Best Lines

1. I’m sleeping with Pam’s mom. Sometimes dinner. (The Office)

Made that much better by the fact that it’s delivered while Dwight is giving Michael the chills. Major childhood throwback, do kids still do that?

2. If you said jump, he’s say how high. If you said stop, he’d say hammer time. (Community)


3. Now I don’t appreciate being paraphrased. I choose my words very deliberately. (It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia)

This whole scene was hilarious. Don’t believe me?


‘Nough said.

4. Hi, I have a friend of mine I’d like to introduce you to. His name’s Jesus. And he pays much greater dividends than those dollar bills in your underpants. (Greek)

Hallelujah, the religious Dale is back! How I missed laughing at the hilarious misadventures of a young evangelicalist.

5. I’m not going to be cold at all. Cause I’ll be wasted on grain alcohol. (It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia)

Wise words, Dennis.  I’ll be sure to remember that as the weather turns cold.  But this leaves me with a dilemma, what’s better for my Sweet Dee Halloween costume? Wine in a can, or riot punch? Duh, both.

6. As a single woman, would you be more inclined to by a new microwave if it could be programmed to ask you about your day? Before you answer, consider your loneliness. (30 Rock)

My microwave shows a picture of a chef when your food is done. I call him Tom, after the cheftastic Tom Colicchio. He’s pretty great.

7. I can’t be caged in Sue, that’s why I got my tiger tattoo. (Glee)

Cue “Take Me or Leave Me” from Rent (a tiger in a cage / can never see the sun / this diva needs her stage / baby, let’s have fun). Ooh, actually please cue Rent, I would love to the Glee cast version of perhaps Rachel belting to Finn “I wanna go ooouuuut tonight!” or maybe Emma asking Will to “light her candle.” But, in a non-druggie way. Wait, that doesn’t work. Nevermind.

8. A book hasn’t caused this much trouble since Where’s Waldo went to the barber pole factory! (30 Rock)


So you can practice, Tracy. You’re welcome.

9. Claire likes to say you can be part of the problem or part of the solution. Well, I happen to believe you can be both. (Modern Family)

Congrats, Phil. I think you proved yourself right.

10. Well, let’s just meet at your pad in the bu. The bu, the bu’s malibu. (Gossip Girl)

Who knew that Hilary Duff was such a comedic genius? Ok, well genius might be a strong word, but at least she has me laughing with her instead of at her. Like I did in A Cinderella Story when she earnestly tells Chad Michael Murray’s character, “I know that guy that sent those emails is somewhere inside of you, but I can’t wait for him. Because waiting for you is like waiting for rain in this drought. Useless and disappointing.” Oh Disney Duff, those were the days.  At least you were able to shed that cloak with relative class and not lose all your clothes in the process. And then have the pictures surface on the net, ahem, Miley, Vanessa Hudgens, and Adrienne Bailon. Um, ok I didn’t know who that last one was either, but if you want to see racy pics of Kim Kardashian’s brother’s girlfriend, try google. As a further aside, Disney, who does your PR? When you type “disney stars” into google, the suggestions include “disney stars gone bad,” “disney stars gone wild,” “disney stars exposed,” and “disney stars naughty.” I’m not sure how google picks those suggestions, but you’re Disney, get it fixed. Walt’s probably rolling around in his grave, or well he would be if he wasn’t cryogenically frozen beneath Disney world.

And like HDuff on this week’s gossip girl, “I gotta go. I love you, bitch.”

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Filed under 10 Best Lines, Best of Oct. 18-24