Tag Archives: Community

TV’s 10 Best Lines

This admission might sound strange, but I usually don’t read television blogs other than Gossip Girl reviews on nymag.com. (And if you’re not reading Daily Intel’s fantastic reality index each week, you should.) Anyway, considering I’m writing a TV blog and dealing with some minor insomnia issues, I figured I’d check out what other people had to say about this week’s episodes. Honestly, I was quite surprised to find myself disagreeing with the HBICs [Head Bloggers in Charge, duh] over at TV Squad and NY Mag! Perhaps said insomnia is giving me a weird sense of humor. Or perhaps, we simply have different tastes. Either way I’m sticking to my instincts, so without further ado, I present to you Teleslant’s 10 Best Lines of the Week.

1. I’m Larry David, I happen to enjoy wearing women’s panties. (Larry, Curb Your Enthusiasm)


Looking good, Larry. Pretty, pretty, pretty good.

2. I’m just really stressed about the bake sale. I really like Artie, okay? (Puck, Glee)

I have no idea why I like this line so much. I just do. But um, not as much as this girl. Well, hun, at least you know Artie’s not completely paralyzed below the waist, if you know what I mean. That whole they’re-fictional-characters-on-TV thing might pose a problem, though. Oh just kidding, if you’ve figured out a way to locate yourself in Joe Jonas’ closet, you can probably cross the television/reality spacetime continuum. Be sure to sent Kurt my love! Oh, and can you ask him how he affords Alexander McQueen on his dad’s mechanic salary? Kgreatthanksyourethebest.

3. In the words of the philosopher Ed Money, “I’ve got two tickets to paradise.” (House, House)

Yes, this is funny because anyone who chooses “Money” as his/her name is surely not a philosopher (See, Cent, 50; Chamillionaire; Chingy). But even more than that, I liked this line because it reminded me of Michael Scott signing, “I’ve got two tickets to paradise. Pack your bags we’re leaving the day after tomorrow.” Those were the days.

4. You think this is hard? Try auditioning for Baywatch and being told they’re going in another direction. That was hard. (Sue, Glee)

Sue on Baywatch

From me to you, Sue.

5. If you turn us down and elect to be a mid-level cog at McCann-Erickson, we’ll have to lock you in the storeroom until morning. I’m sure you understand. (Bert, Mad Men)

This line ultimately beat out Roger’s “Yes. Yes, we are. Happy Birthday” but only by a little. Seriously, what more could you ask for from an episode of television than we got in Mad Men’s season finale? Nail-biting suspense, heart-wrenching goodbyes, laugh-out-loud lines? The opportunity to use clichéd phrases in a blog post? This episode was truly a dream come true for viewers and reviews alike.

6. Why am I crying? Did I accidentally listen to ‘Come Sail Away’ by Styx again?  (Troy, Community)

In the spirit of full disclosure, I present you with an excerpt of NY Mag’s “Debate 109” recap:

For every artfully constructed laugh-out-loud (do the kids have an acronym for that? We can’t remember) moment there’s a creaky or overly quirky dump of verbiage that surely works better in the writers’ room than in the mouths of actual (Greendale!) human beings. In other words: the school’s impressively gay basketball team? Aces! Troy’s labored love of Styx? Groans.

With all due respect, I have to wholeheartedly disagree. Seriously, you thought a skinny, mustachioed man wearing short-shorts was funnier than Troy’s emotional reaction to the sweet sounds of Styx? Ok, fine, it might sound funnier, but that’s not my fault, mustachioed is a funny word! Trust me, it wasn’t.

7. We’re both adults. (Tripp, Gossip Girl)

Whenever anybody says a variation of the phrase “we’re both adults,” (my fave’s gotta be “c’mon, we’re all adults here”) you know that at least one party involved is not acting like a responsible adult. And by blog as my witness, this case is will prove to be no exception. From these three little words, eight fourteen letters, we know that Serena’s on the cusp of becoming the next Madeleine Brown, Monica Lewinski, Rielle Hunter, Sally Hemings, Golan Cipel, well, you get the point. She’s totally gonna bang Tripp.

8. You’ve got to tell Susie I was in a car accident. (Jeff, Curb Your Enthusiasm)

Even thought TV Squad thought this scene should have been left on proverbial the cutting room floor, I think Jeff’s misadventures in philandering are always worth a good laugh.

9. That looks like something a death row convict would make in art therapy. (Tom, Parks and Recreation)


Love you Anne, but really couldn’t have put it better myself.

10. You think that not eating cat food is putting on airs? (Mac, It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia)

I googled “can people eat cat food” and found this informative article from PopSci.com. According to Dawn Jackson Blatner, a registered dietitian with the American Dietetic Association, “It’s OK to satisfy the occasional craving, but you shouldn’t make it a staple of your regular diet. It’s cat food for a reason.” Next, I googled, “People who crave cat food” and found a post called “Do Canadians Secretly Crave Cat Food?” I then realized this digression was quickly spiraling out of control and decided to call it quits.

So, internet, what did you think of this week’s 10 Best Lines? Hate my selections, but like the commentary? Love the selections, but has my commentary ruined television for you? Let me know by leaving comments below.


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Filed under 10 Best Lines, Best of Nov 8-14

TV’s Best Musical Moment

Taylor Swift, SNL

Even though it was another Glee-less week, we saw plenty of Musical Moments from Community, The League, and even Cougar Town. However, quantity does not equal quality, my friends.

I must admit that I thought I would hate a show about a bunch of ex-frat bros trying to recapture their glory days through a fantasy football league. After watching a man-boy named Taco sing about his sister-in-law’s sexual hubris, I know I hate it. Ditto for Cougar Town. It’s little number “Confident in my sexualitay, just like Mariska Hargitay” is catchy but not enough to redeem a show that has the stunning Courteney Cox stressing about her apparently aging body. While I’m all for being comfortable with your sexuality whether hubris or confidence, these two songs just did not do it for me.  So, I was all set to choose Community‘s “GDB” as this week’s Best Musical Moment when the truly unexpected happened on Saturday night. Watch for yourself:

Vodpod videos no longer available.

I’m not a Taylor Swift fan. Yeah, whatever, it was a shame Kayne ruined her acceptance speech, but please people she won a VMA not a Nobel Peace Price. While her music is totally appropriate for the tween demographic, something about the sound of college-aged girls belting out “Romeo save me, I’ve been feeling so alone” irks me.

But T. Swift’s Musical Monologue was funny. Like really funny. Her “Hey Joe, I’m doing real well,” even had me laughing at a Jonas Brothers joke. She was silly, self-effacing, and spunky. All good s words. All adjectives that make up a quality Musical Moment. So, Congrats Taylor. You earned it.

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Filed under Best Musical Moment, Best of Nov. 1-7

TV’s 2 Best Dialogues

30 Rock: Everyone loves a good grammar joke. Now, where’s the episode with the real Evil Tracy?

Community: Gar-what now?

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Filed under 2 Best Dialogues, Best of Nov. 1-7

10 Best Lines

I struggled a bit this week because there were a lot of reruns.  Where was the sitcom-y goodness of shows like How I Met Your Mother? Or the sparkly magic of Glee?  And while I found myself laughing during Always Sunny, “The Gang Wrestles for the Troops” was not up to par. So although this is late, here are Oct. 25-31’s best lines…

1. My girlfriend, on a scale of 1 to Gisele, uh a 9. (The Office)

Ed Helms has been the highlight of The Office this season. And after seeing the Subtle Sexuality video, I’m so excited to see an Erin/Nard Dog romance.

2. Chex mix, pretzels, baby carrots—predictable but appetizing! (Community)

To really appreciate this line you need to hear it in Abed’s priceless Batman voice.  So here you go:

3. Hey slutty teenaged girls dressed as sexy kittens, pump your own stomachs this year! (Parks and Recreation)

I’m so happy that Parks and Recreation has hit its stride! As much as I love, love, love Amy Poehler,  I could not get into last season. As an aside, if I could invite one celebrity couple over for dinner, it would have to be Amy Poehler and Will Arnet. And with Parks and Recreation’s great reviews this season, there wouldn’t be that whole awkward elephant in the room thing, “Wow, you two are hysterical, why can’t you find a good vehicle on TV?” I’m not a Sit Down, Shut Up fan, and I don’t even want to talk about the cancellation of the great but under appreciated Arrested Development.  At least Hulu gives it the recognition it deserves. Any way, go Poehler and Rashida Jones!

4. Read my face. (30 Rock)

Not really funny unless you read his face.  But the question remains, whose face was better, Sacha’s or Jenna’s?

Sacha Face Jenna Face

5. The poncho by itself is fine. The poncho plus the flute plus the stupid dance? My son will die a virgin. (Modern Family)

So unexpected both from Gloria and this episode in general. This line was great, but one line does not an episode make. Let’s hope for more next week.

Click here: Next 5 after the jump!

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Filed under 10 Best Lines, Best of Oct 25-31

2 Best Dialogues

Community: Loved the speed–it was like Gilmore Girls, but funny.

Gossip Girl: This is why Chuck and Blair work so well together.  And even though they didn’t award any points over on Daily Intel, here: Plus 10.

Honorable Mention: Big Bang Theory

  • Bernadette: That’s nothing.  I couldn’t ride a bicycle cause my mother was afraid I’d hit a bump and lose my virginity.
  • Howard: Oh wow, you didn’t did you?
  • Bernadette: Not on a bicycle. In a Camry.
  • Howard: Corolla!

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Filed under 2 Best Dialogues, Best of Oct. 18-24

Best Meta Moment(s)

Well, I picked two because I couldn’t decide.  On the one hand, meta is kind of Community’s thing so I feel like I should go with Always Sunny.  But that was Abed’s point, so I’m back to Community. But then Always Sunny was actually losing me a bit at that point. But Abed actually laid low for the rest of the episode. Which is meta, but disappointing.

Anyway, check out the two clips below, decide for yourself, and vote!


Always Sunny:

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Filed under Best of Oct. 18-24

10 Best Lines

1. I’m sleeping with Pam’s mom. Sometimes dinner. (The Office)

Made that much better by the fact that it’s delivered while Dwight is giving Michael the chills. Major childhood throwback, do kids still do that?

2. If you said jump, he’s say how high. If you said stop, he’d say hammer time. (Community)


3. Now I don’t appreciate being paraphrased. I choose my words very deliberately. (It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia)

This whole scene was hilarious. Don’t believe me?


‘Nough said.

4. Hi, I have a friend of mine I’d like to introduce you to. His name’s Jesus. And he pays much greater dividends than those dollar bills in your underpants. (Greek)

Hallelujah, the religious Dale is back! How I missed laughing at the hilarious misadventures of a young evangelicalist.

5. I’m not going to be cold at all. Cause I’ll be wasted on grain alcohol. (It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia)

Wise words, Dennis.  I’ll be sure to remember that as the weather turns cold.  But this leaves me with a dilemma, what’s better for my Sweet Dee Halloween costume? Wine in a can, or riot punch? Duh, both.

6. As a single woman, would you be more inclined to by a new microwave if it could be programmed to ask you about your day? Before you answer, consider your loneliness. (30 Rock)

My microwave shows a picture of a chef when your food is done. I call him Tom, after the cheftastic Tom Colicchio. He’s pretty great.

7. I can’t be caged in Sue, that’s why I got my tiger tattoo. (Glee)

Cue “Take Me or Leave Me” from Rent (a tiger in a cage / can never see the sun / this diva needs her stage / baby, let’s have fun). Ooh, actually please cue Rent, I would love to the Glee cast version of perhaps Rachel belting to Finn “I wanna go ooouuuut tonight!” or maybe Emma asking Will to “light her candle.” But, in a non-druggie way. Wait, that doesn’t work. Nevermind.

8. A book hasn’t caused this much trouble since Where’s Waldo went to the barber pole factory! (30 Rock)


So you can practice, Tracy. You’re welcome.

9. Claire likes to say you can be part of the problem or part of the solution. Well, I happen to believe you can be both. (Modern Family)

Congrats, Phil. I think you proved yourself right.

10. Well, let’s just meet at your pad in the bu. The bu, the bu’s malibu. (Gossip Girl)

Who knew that Hilary Duff was such a comedic genius? Ok, well genius might be a strong word, but at least she has me laughing with her instead of at her. Like I did in A Cinderella Story when she earnestly tells Chad Michael Murray’s character, “I know that guy that sent those emails is somewhere inside of you, but I can’t wait for him. Because waiting for you is like waiting for rain in this drought. Useless and disappointing.” Oh Disney Duff, those were the days.  At least you were able to shed that cloak with relative class and not lose all your clothes in the process. And then have the pictures surface on the net, ahem, Miley, Vanessa Hudgens, and Adrienne Bailon. Um, ok I didn’t know who that last one was either, but if you want to see racy pics of Kim Kardashian’s brother’s girlfriend, try google. As a further aside, Disney, who does your PR? When you type “disney stars” into google, the suggestions include “disney stars gone bad,” “disney stars gone wild,” “disney stars exposed,” and “disney stars naughty.” I’m not sure how google picks those suggestions, but you’re Disney, get it fixed. Walt’s probably rolling around in his grave, or well he would be if he wasn’t cryogenically frozen beneath Disney world.

And like HDuff on this week’s gossip girl, “I gotta go. I love you, bitch.”

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Filed under 10 Best Lines, Best of Oct. 18-24