TV presented an interesting question this week, “Can it count as a line, if no one speaks it?” Sure why not? Who are we to discriminate against inanimate objects? So here’s this week’s 10 Best Lines, including those found on tombstones and t-shirts.
1. I am not robbing the cradle. If anything, I’m robbing the grave. (Michael Scott, The Office)
Michael Scott, giving a whole new meaning to the word “Gravedigger.” Ooh, which could totally be the disturbingly great new term for a guy who goes after cougars. Gravedigger, spread it like wildfire.
2. Mother of Larry, an asshole and a swan-killer. (Stonemason, Curb Your Enthusiasm)
Larry’s mother’s tombstone inscription was the big pay off at the end of a solid Curb episode. Obviously Larry wasn’t going to get away with bashing a swan be it murder or involuntary manslaughter, but getting outted via tombstone? Priceless.
3. Who Da Manny? (Jay, Modern Family)
Everything’s funnier on a t-shirt. Exhibit A:
4. On Sunday morning she made pancake, Ted. Pancake. (Marshall, How I Met Your Mother)
So technically this joke ends with “and bacon strip.” But that’s not funny. What makes this joke work is people say, “I made pancakes.” People don’t say, “I made bacon strips.” It’s, “I made bacon.” Just bacon.
5. Am I scared of getting hit in the face? No. Every day, dominatrixes get paid by weirdos for just that privilege. I’m scared I’m gonna love it. (Michael Scott, The Office)
To all the little kids on playgrounds across America, forget “No! No! Leave me alone” or “I’m going to tell my Mommy!” if you yell Michael’s line at bullies, they won’t hit you.