TV’s Worst Continuity Error

How I Met Your Mother: The “Playing the Bagpipes” Euphemism. Ted tells sex stories to his kids. A lot.

Bagpipes

We’re really supposed to believe that Ted all of a sudden feels it’s inappropriate to talk about sex to his children? Remember the episode where the Lily made the 50 Reasons to Have Sex list? Well, we do. It was called “The Naked Man,” and the moral of that story was clothes are the only thing keeping two adults from getting it on. Or what about the listing of Canadian Sex positions in “Old King Clancy?” That episode even had an internet tie with http://www.canadiansexacts.org. (Just because the site doesn’t work any more doesn’t mean we’ve forgotten, HIMYM writers!) We could go on and on…

Honestly, we’d forgive this mistake if the “bagpipe” euphemism was either appropriate or funny. “Eating sandwiches” works for “smoking marijuana” because the phrases have roughly the same syllables and watching them pass sandwiches to each other is funny. “Grinch” works for “c*@!” for the same reasons. “Shut the bagpipes up!” does not work.

Also, another error. (Not continuity, just the lazy type). Check out the photo above. The picture of Marshall and Lily’s wedding does not belong in Barney’s fantasy.  Shape up, HIMYM, we’re watching. Closely.

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TV Characters: They’re Just Like Us!

They get bed bugs! (Jack Donaghy, 30 Rock)

jackbugs

Some friends of mine living together in NYC have/had bed bugs.  Let’s all hope for had. They’re in a limbo phase, back living in their apartment, but clothes remaining in storage.  Who knew that beg bugs were still causing havoc?  I thought they were just another old-timey affliction that now has a cure like smallpox or polio or ED.  Turns out I was very, very wrong. My friends have given me the bleak facts. Bed bugs can live up to one year in an empty apartment. Bed bugs are hard to detect because they only come out at night to feed. Beg bugs can cost infested households upwards of $5,000 to treat. No wonder these little vermin are known as “house herpes.” But whether you call them chewdaddies, ozark kisses, or Blue Ridge ticklers, you might want to think twice before you schedule your next trip to NYC, say in some sketch Euro hostel, or head back to a co-ed’s dorm. Yuck.

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TV’s Best One Worder

Frank, Always Sunny: “Egg”

egg

Never has one word been so funny.

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TV’s Best Musical Moment

Taylor Swift, SNL

Even though it was another Glee-less week, we saw plenty of Musical Moments from Community, The League, and even Cougar Town. However, quantity does not equal quality, my friends.

I must admit that I thought I would hate a show about a bunch of ex-frat bros trying to recapture their glory days through a fantasy football league. After watching a man-boy named Taco sing about his sister-in-law’s sexual hubris, I know I hate it. Ditto for Cougar Town. It’s little number “Confident in my sexualitay, just like Mariska Hargitay” is catchy but not enough to redeem a show that has the stunning Courteney Cox stressing about her apparently aging body. While I’m all for being comfortable with your sexuality whether hubris or confidence, these two songs just did not do it for me.  So, I was all set to choose Community‘s “GDB” as this week’s Best Musical Moment when the truly unexpected happened on Saturday night. Watch for yourself:

Vodpod videos no longer available.

I’m not a Taylor Swift fan. Yeah, whatever, it was a shame Kayne ruined her acceptance speech, but please people she won a VMA not a Nobel Peace Price. While her music is totally appropriate for the tween demographic, something about the sound of college-aged girls belting out “Romeo save me, I’ve been feeling so alone” irks me.

But T. Swift’s Musical Monologue was funny. Like really funny. Her “Hey Joe, I’m doing real well,” even had me laughing at a Jonas Brothers joke. She was silly, self-effacing, and spunky. All good s words. All adjectives that make up a quality Musical Moment. So, Congrats Taylor. You earned it.

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TV’s Best Monologue

Always Sunny: This Best Monologue was not only the week’s Most Anticipated Moment but also The Best Moment Period.

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TV’s 2 Best Dialogues

30 Rock: Everyone loves a good grammar joke. Now, where’s the episode with the real Evil Tracy?

Community: Gar-what now?

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TV’s 10 Best Lines

trophy

TV presented an interesting question this week, “Can it count as a line, if no one speaks it?” Sure why not? Who are we to discriminate against inanimate objects? So here’s this week’s 10 Best Lines, including those found on tombstones and t-shirts.

1. I am not robbing the cradle. If anything, I’m robbing the grave. (Michael Scott, The Office)

Michael Scott, giving a whole new meaning to the word “Gravedigger.” Ooh, which could totally be the disturbingly great new term for a guy who goes after cougars.  Gravedigger, spread it like wildfire.

2. Mother of Larry, an asshole and a swan-killer. (Stonemason, Curb Your Enthusiasm)

Larry’s mother’s tombstone inscription was the big pay off at the end of a solid Curb episode.  Obviously Larry wasn’t going to get away with bashing a swan be it murder or involuntary manslaughter, but getting outted via tombstone? Priceless.

3. Who Da Manny? (Jay, Modern Family)

Everything’s funnier on a t-shirt. Exhibit A:

who da manny

4. On Sunday morning she made pancake, Ted. Pancake. (Marshall, How I Met Your Mother)

So technically this joke ends with “and bacon strip.” But that’s not funny. What makes this joke work is people say, “I made pancakes.”  People don’t say, “I made bacon strips.” It’s, “I made bacon.” Just bacon.

5. Am I scared of getting hit in the face? No. Every day, dominatrixes get paid by weirdos for just that privilege. I’m scared I’m gonna love it. (Michael Scott, The Office)

To all the little kids on playgrounds across America, forget “No! No! Leave me alone” or “I’m going to tell my Mommy!” if you yell Michael’s line at bullies, they won’t hit you.

CLICK HERE. Next 5 after the jump.

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