Category Archives: View By Week

TV’s 10 Best Lines

This admission might sound strange, but I usually don’t read television blogs other than Gossip Girl reviews on nymag.com. (And if you’re not reading Daily Intel’s fantastic reality index each week, you should.) Anyway, considering I’m writing a TV blog and dealing with some minor insomnia issues, I figured I’d check out what other people had to say about this week’s episodes. Honestly, I was quite surprised to find myself disagreeing with the HBICs [Head Bloggers in Charge, duh] over at TV Squad and NY Mag! Perhaps said insomnia is giving me a weird sense of humor. Or perhaps, we simply have different tastes. Either way I’m sticking to my instincts, so without further ado, I present to you Teleslant’s 10 Best Lines of the Week.

1. I’m Larry David, I happen to enjoy wearing women’s panties. (Larry, Curb Your Enthusiasm)

larrydavid

Looking good, Larry. Pretty, pretty, pretty good.

2. I’m just really stressed about the bake sale. I really like Artie, okay? (Puck, Glee)

I have no idea why I like this line so much. I just do. But um, not as much as this girl. Well, hun, at least you know Artie’s not completely paralyzed below the waist, if you know what I mean. That whole they’re-fictional-characters-on-TV thing might pose a problem, though. Oh just kidding, if you’ve figured out a way to locate yourself in Joe Jonas’ closet, you can probably cross the television/reality spacetime continuum. Be sure to sent Kurt my love! Oh, and can you ask him how he affords Alexander McQueen on his dad’s mechanic salary? Kgreatthanksyourethebest.

3. In the words of the philosopher Ed Money, “I’ve got two tickets to paradise.” (House, House)

Yes, this is funny because anyone who chooses “Money” as his/her name is surely not a philosopher (See, Cent, 50; Chamillionaire; Chingy). But even more than that, I liked this line because it reminded me of Michael Scott signing, “I’ve got two tickets to paradise. Pack your bags we’re leaving the day after tomorrow.” Those were the days.

4. You think this is hard? Try auditioning for Baywatch and being told they’re going in another direction. That was hard. (Sue, Glee)

Sue on Baywatch

From me to you, Sue.

5. If you turn us down and elect to be a mid-level cog at McCann-Erickson, we’ll have to lock you in the storeroom until morning. I’m sure you understand. (Bert, Mad Men)

This line ultimately beat out Roger’s “Yes. Yes, we are. Happy Birthday” but only by a little. Seriously, what more could you ask for from an episode of television than we got in Mad Men’s season finale? Nail-biting suspense, heart-wrenching goodbyes, laugh-out-loud lines? The opportunity to use clichéd phrases in a blog post? This episode was truly a dream come true for viewers and reviews alike.

6. Why am I crying? Did I accidentally listen to ‘Come Sail Away’ by Styx again?  (Troy, Community)

In the spirit of full disclosure, I present you with an excerpt of NY Mag’s “Debate 109” recap:

For every artfully constructed laugh-out-loud (do the kids have an acronym for that? We can’t remember) moment there’s a creaky or overly quirky dump of verbiage that surely works better in the writers’ room than in the mouths of actual (Greendale!) human beings. In other words: the school’s impressively gay basketball team? Aces! Troy’s labored love of Styx? Groans.

With all due respect, I have to wholeheartedly disagree. Seriously, you thought a skinny, mustachioed man wearing short-shorts was funnier than Troy’s emotional reaction to the sweet sounds of Styx? Ok, fine, it might sound funnier, but that’s not my fault, mustachioed is a funny word! Trust me, it wasn’t.

7. We’re both adults. (Tripp, Gossip Girl)

Whenever anybody says a variation of the phrase “we’re both adults,” (my fave’s gotta be “c’mon, we’re all adults here”) you know that at least one party involved is not acting like a responsible adult. And by blog as my witness, this case is will prove to be no exception. From these three little words, eight fourteen letters, we know that Serena’s on the cusp of becoming the next Madeleine Brown, Monica Lewinski, Rielle Hunter, Sally Hemings, Golan Cipel, well, you get the point. She’s totally gonna bang Tripp.

8. You’ve got to tell Susie I was in a car accident. (Jeff, Curb Your Enthusiasm)

Even thought TV Squad thought this scene should have been left on proverbial the cutting room floor, I think Jeff’s misadventures in philandering are always worth a good laugh.

9. That looks like something a death row convict would make in art therapy. (Tom, Parks and Recreation)

anne

Love you Anne, but really couldn’t have put it better myself.

10. You think that not eating cat food is putting on airs? (Mac, It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia)

I googled “can people eat cat food” and found this informative article from PopSci.com. According to Dawn Jackson Blatner, a registered dietitian with the American Dietetic Association, “It’s OK to satisfy the occasional craving, but you shouldn’t make it a staple of your regular diet. It’s cat food for a reason.” Next, I googled, “People who crave cat food” and found a post called “Do Canadians Secretly Crave Cat Food?” I then realized this digression was quickly spiraling out of control and decided to call it quits.

So, internet, what did you think of this week’s 10 Best Lines? Hate my selections, but like the commentary? Love the selections, but has my commentary ruined television for you? Let me know by leaving comments below.

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Filed under 10 Best Lines, Best of Nov 8-14

TV’s Funniest Fashion Moment

Frank, Always Sunny

crocsFrank in Crocs. Hysterical. I cannot stand these hideous, horrible shoes. Well, when adults wear them, I think they’re cute for kids. They remind me of jellies, but your feet can actually breathe. But anyways, this Funny Fashion Moment isn’t directly referenced by any cast members other than an off hand remark by Frank that he can’t walk in his shoes. This comment occurs during a later scene in which the actual Crocs do not appear. Great touch, thanks for adding something for those who watch closely.

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Filed under Best of Nov. 1-7, Funniest Fashion Moment

TV’s Best Meta Moment

Tracy Jordan, 30 Rock

To be honest, 30 Rock’s Meta jokes have been wearing as thin as their product placement jokes.  In fact, aside from this episode, I haven’t been impressed.  Even so, Tracy Jordan is still as funny as ever and deserves this week’s Meta Moment. Also, twitter users, follow Tracy Jordan.  You’ll see little gems like “For $15 I’ll induce your labor.” You’re welcome.

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Filed under Best Meta Moment, Best of Nov. 1-7

TV’s Best Guest Spot

Heather (Rock of Love), Always Sunny

heatherI went back and forth between Megan Mullally on Parks and Recreation and Heather on Always Sunny.  Mullally was fantastically hilarious as the manipulative, Cleopatra-loving, government gal, while a scantily clad Heather swayed in the background making her best sexy-face. Which is to say both shows played to their respective guest stars’ strengths.

In real life, Mullally is married to Nick Offerman so it is only suiting that she played his character’s ex-wife Tammy.  I wonder, though, what twist of fate landed one of Bret Michaels‘s cast-offs on the funniest show on television?  Were the Always Sunny people like, hmm we need someone to play a prostitute, oh how about one of these chicks? Or did Heather approach Always Sunny who asked her, can you sing, dance, act? Well, can you wear next-to-nothing and hold a gun? K, great, we’ve got the role for you!

So although Heather did not say a word, I still gotta give it to her for the sheer randomness of the appearance.

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Filed under Best of Nov. 1-7

TV’s Who Told It Best?

Oddly enough, this week we saw another set of “so-and so-celebrity is totally irrelevant” jokes.  Last week it was Charlie Rose, this week it’s Adam Duritz of the Counting Crows.  Apparently Saturday Night Live and The League writers think alike, but the question remains Who Told It Best?

Andy Samberg, Saturday Night Live:

Vodpod videos no longer available.

Ruxin, The League:

I wasn’t going to open this up for voting because like I’ve explained before, I don’t like The League.  But it’s a new show and I’ve only seen 1 episode, so I’m open to your thoughts.


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Filed under Best of Nov. 1-7, Who Told It Best?

TV’s Worst Product Placement

Cisco, 30 Rock

jackcisco

30 Rock’s approach to product placement is usually very funny. Pete’s, “Wow. This is diet Snapple?” interrupting Liz’s, “No, come on, Jack. We’re not doing that. We’re not compromising the integrity of the show to sell–” was quick, cute, and original. After discussing Verizon Wireless, Fey once looked straight into the camera and deadpanned, “Can we have our money now?” That moment felt so meta that I had to refer to Liz as Fey.

Cisco’s placement was done in jest. And yes, I know I said last week that I prefer the “if we’re going to do product placement, it might as well be a joke” style, but the Cisco gag felt wrong.  I get that joke’s over-the-top delivery was a meta critique of other shows’ failed attempts to incorporate product placement seamlessly into their scripts. But why bother making fun of other shows if it slows down the pace of your own? Maybe 30 Rock’s placement style is no longer funny because we’ve come to expect it. Maybe it’s only funny when it’s sleek and snappy.  Either way, Jack’s Cisco freak-out was undoubtedly this week’s Worst Product Placement.

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Filed under Best of Nov. 1-7, Worst Product Placement

TV’s Best Mean Girl Moment

Kelly Kapoor, The Office.

Kelly totally ripped a page out of Regina George‘s Burn Book by telling Pam’s mom she loved her necklace then turning to the camera and shaking her head all disapprovingly.  She didn’t even need to say “That’s the ugliest effing necklace I’ve ever seen,” her face said it all. The move was subtle, just like her sexuality. (Ugh, when typing sexuality, I said sexualitay in my head. Curse your catchy little ditty, Cougar Town!)

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Filed under Best of Nov. 1-7