They get bed bugs! (Jack Donaghy, 30 Rock)
Some friends of mine living together in NYC have/had bed bugs. Let’s all hope for had. They’re in a limbo phase, back living in their apartment, but clothes remaining in storage. Who knew that beg bugs were still causing havoc? I thought they were just another old-timey affliction that now has a cure like smallpox or polio or ED. Turns out I was very, very wrong. My friends have given me the bleak facts. Bed bugs can live up to one year in an empty apartment. Bed bugs are hard to detect because they only come out at night to feed. Beg bugs can cost infested households upwards of $5,000 to treat. No wonder these little vermin are known as “house herpes.” But whether you call them chewdaddies, ozark kisses, or Blue Ridge ticklers, you might want to think twice before you schedule your next trip to NYC, say in some sketch Euro hostel, or head back to a co-ed’s dorm. Yuck.